I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
