I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
