btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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