I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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