ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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