All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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