when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
