Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
