Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
