Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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