dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
its liver damage thursday
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
