I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
