I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
