Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
