All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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