How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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