Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
