I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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