if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
