Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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