We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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