Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
