That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I want to have your abortion
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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