Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
