found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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