ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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