i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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