So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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