HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
