sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You are a genius and a whore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
