I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
