I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
