I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
