she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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