Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
