is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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