wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
