i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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