her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
