3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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