I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
