he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
