Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
