Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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