I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
