whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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