Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
