Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
