We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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