Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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