she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
